To Err is Human, to Purr Feline
by Keiran
Summary: Humour story with romance in the background. On his birthday Duo receives two gifts from Heero - unfortunately one likes to interfere with the other. (121, shounen-ai)


Author: Keiran  
Title: To Err is Human, To Purr Feline 1/1  
Rating: PG  
Genre: Humour with romance in the background.  
Pairings: 1+2+1, _1_+2 (yes, I meant to type it twice), implied 1x2x1

Warnings: implied shounen-ai, PoV  
Archive: Yes, to anyone who asks.

Blame: goes to Utsubame. She came up with the plotbunny and hinted mercilessly until I finished.

Thanks to the Amazing Shenlong Deb, for betaing!

xxxXXXxxx

Life is a bitch, take it from me. People come and shove you from one box to another. Take me for one. I am sitting here, in a damn dark box, which is wiggling and bouncing and generally being a pain. Tiny too. I scowl at the bright ribbon some cretin found fit to tie around my neck. Not just any ribbon, oh no. A huge, red, shiny monstrosity.

I bristle. Someone is going to pay.

Eventually the bouncing and rumbling sounds stopped and after a brief sensation of flying upwards, my box settled on a flat surface.

"Duo!" I heard a voice yell. I knew that voice. I could already feel my hackles rising. This was the person who put me in this box. Ooooh, he's going to get it!

Suddenly there's the sound of footsteps and a sharp gasp. I hear a scuffle – maybe the newcomer kicked the other's ass for me? I sigh, since no screams are heard. Tough luck. Soon the lid of the box peels off and I find myself blinking at the bright light. Fortunately it isn't long before my eyes get used to it, (Ha! My superior sight does come in handy! Go me!) and my gaze is met by that of a pair of huge, violet eyes.

I am mesmerized. I have seen a lot of idiotic humans coming and going, some small ones pressing their flat faces against the walls of my home. None had such lovely eyes and such a purring voice, as I realise only moments later.

A pair of hands, as soft as the fur of a kitten extends to me and cups my whole body, lifting me to the violet-eyed person's chest. I rub my face against the bit of skin between the strange coloured cloth that humans insist on draping over themselves. Humans are weird.

And warm. I purr.

Velvety Violet is mine, I decide.

"So, you like him?" I hear. Immediately I'm alert. This is the Other. I turn my head slightly and bristle.

"He's absolutely adorable, Heero. Thank you!" my pet says. And I must add – his chest vibrates in the most delightful way when he speaks. I watch as the usurper fidgets.

"So… Quatre asked to have its name texted, so that he can put it on the bowl." I furrow my brows and glare slightly. He is nervous. I don't like it. He's planning something.

"Really?" I'm suddenly lifted away from the warm chest and held high in the air. I would complain, but now I'm facing the violet eyes. "Hm… You have such pretty blue eyes, don't you?" Velvety Violet rubs my nose with his. I purr. He is mine. "Just like Heero." Out of the corner of my eye I see the Other start. I narrow my eyes. "And your fur is fluffy and chocolate, like Heero's hair. I think I'll call you Heeyu! You don't mind, Heero, do you?" I can see the Other blink in surprise. There's some redness on his face. I can smell something in the air…

Oh, no! The Other is in heat! And he is after my pet!

Not on my watch, mister!

"Duo?" he begins hesitantly. "I… I was thinking…" he takes a deep breath. "Will you please go out with me?" I am confused. Go out? What, he can't find a door on his own? Cannot find his home? And why is Violet red on the face too? Aww… he looks so cute!

"I would love to," my Violet replies shyly. I sigh with near relief. There's no danger, at least not for now. Violet obviously feels the need to look after inferior beings. I nod and snuggle back to the warm chest. Puuuuuuuurrr…

Violet saw the Other to the door. They stood there talking for a while and then the Other finally left. Thank the Great Cat. When he returned to the room he set me on the floor and told me to explore, so explore I did! A nice apartment I got. Very homey. I like. I took a quick tour and returned to the living room. And I froze.

Violet was sitting on the couch, looking through some white, thin, rectangular stuff; and there was a snake on his head! I saw snakes in my first apartment! They were evil! So, without thinking, I leapt. I would save my pet!

"Ouch!" Violet exclaimed, jumping off the couch. "Heeyu! You can't do that!" I tried to explain that it was a dangerous snake I was attacking, but then I noticed that it tasted like… hair.

Oh. It must be a tail. Humans have tails on their heads, now I remember! Some of the little humans have two or three of them too! What a bunch of weirdo's. I tried to look sheepish, but it's hard to look sheepish when you're hanging off someone's tail, gripping it tightly with your mouth. Violet picked me up and sat me on his knee.

"Okay, Heeyu. Rule number one: This is The Braid. You do not play with it," he said sternly, tickling my nose with the end. I purred and nuzzled his hand. It felt nice. Very nice.

Later in the day I got two new bowls, one for water or milk, the other for food. I also got a basket to sleep in, which Violet placed in the hall. Silly Violet. Of course I will sleep by my pet! It took some effort to get used to the litter box, but I am an intelligent creature, so I figured it out in no time at all. How complicated can it be?

The settling into my new apartment went smoothly. My pet knows what's good for cats. There's loads of warm, Violet-smelling shirts to curl up in when I felt like a nap. Which, unfortunately, was a fairly frequent thing for me to do, since poor Violet has to leave my apartment every day for a long time. He says he must go to work. But he seems to like it, so I wasn't complaining. Much. Especially since he brings me nice gifts from that work; so I think it's a nice place! Just yesterday he brought a scratching post. It is fun! I got to meet some of his friends too, although the Other usually came with them. Sky-Eyed is very nice. He brought me a plush toy! And then there was also Weird Fur. He was nice; although he tried to make me do tricks. Lastly there was Birdie. Birdie has smooth shiny black hair, black beady eyes and a small perky tail. He is fun. I like to pounce on his little tail, and hang on for dear life! He screeches like a birdie too!

I was curious if he could fly too and I think he tried to teach me; but I wasn't much good at it. Violet caught me before I could hurt myself. Birdie is heaps of fun.

Sometimes my Velvety Violet would go out in the evening too. I quickly stopped liking it, when he went out in the evening. Sure, he would return looking all pretty, his eyes shining, and he would cuddle me a lot, but there was a strange smell to him. A smell I couldn't quite place. Sometimes his face would be red, his lips swollen. Sometimes his hair would be in disarray. Sometimes his shirt would be rumpled.

I did not like it. Something was in the air.

It struck me as a bolt from the blue sky, when it finally happened. Violet returned home from one of his evening outings with the Other. I bristled and hid, but they ignored me! Both of them! Even my pet! I knew the Other was going to be trouble. They drank some nasty smelling stuff and then… for some reason they started washing each other. I don't know why. Maybe they thought they were dirty?

I sat back confused, until I heard my Violet moan. So I was right! The Other was hurting him! I scrambled to the couch and pounced!

Ah… the screeching yelp of **my** victory…

"Heeyu!" Oops, looks like Violet wasn't entirely pleased. I knew what that expression meant… It meant there's gonna be a newspaper dangerously close to my bottom. Better make myself scarce. I scrambled of the couch and made a run for it.

Congratulations to myself were in order. It was a great idea to hide in Violet's never-quite-locked closet. I could hear the sound of running water, steps and a quiet conversation too. Oh well, Violet can't remain mad for long. I curled myself up on the fresh laundry and dozed. I was roused, however, by the sound of the door opening. I froze. Did Violet know where I was hiding? It was too soon!

But to my partial dismay, Velvety Violet ignored me totally. The Other was with him. I hissed, but neither heard me. However, the atmosphere in the room made me pause and blink. Violet seemed so shy, suddenly, while the Other looked at him like I look at fresh fish.

And then the Other put his hands on my Violet. And they started washing each other again, for some silly reason. Until now, Violet had always done his washing in my littler box room. In no time at all they were sprawled across Violet's bed, still washing enthusiastically. Suddenly the smell clicked. When Violet started gasping and moaning again, I could take it no more. I jumped from my safe shelf and bolted for the bed, scrambling between my pet and the Other. I bristled, trying to look dangerous. No one hurts my pet, if I have anything to say about it!

Suddenly, Violet laughed. "Heeyu seems determined to guard my virtue." Still chuckling, he untangled his limbs from the Other's, grabbing me by the scruff of my neck in the process. "Thank you for your efforts, kitten, but I will be okay. You don't have to worry about me, 'kay?" and he closed the door, in front of my very nose.

I spent the night plotting the blue-eyed Other's imminent demise. But unfortunately his evil ensnaring powers made me hesitate in my just pawsteps.

One cannot take a bowl full of milk and fresh salmon on the side lightly. However I did glare and bristle at him. Bribing me won't get you far, you evil usurper! Violet is **my** pet! Mine! My own!

I was most unsettled when a few days later the usurper moved in; semi-permanently. Needless to say, it was most satisfying to lounge lazily in my Violet's lap. Lap at his neck. Paw his hair. Be the adorable, precious kitten. Hah! Try and beat that, Mr Uncute!

Unfortunately, Violet still tended to lock me out of his bedroom at night. I managed to sneak in one morning and the smell told me everything. I spent the day wailing and moping, in that order. Mating. My Violet was mating with the Other! My efforts doubled. I batted my lashes. Pawed at yarn. Drank milk. Curled in my pet's lap. Played the ultimate incarnation of preciousness. In short - I made Velvety Violet gush over me.

I could tell the Other was furious. One evening, the three of us were watching the shiny black box with moving pictures, myself being half-hidden in my pet's shirt, his hand scratching my ears. I couldn't help myself and cast a victorious glance at the Other.

And he snapped.

"That's it! I've had it with you and your smug superiority!" he yelled, jumping off the couch. My Violet blinked at him.

"Excuse me!" But the other ignored him and grabbed me by the scruff of my neck.

"You will cease giving me those smug little glances. You will cease interrupting my alone-time with **my** Duo. But most of all, you will butt out from our love-life!" he yelled, his hackles rising almost visibly. I stared at him defiantly. I could bristle too! So we tried to stare each other down, until we heard a chuckle. Then a snort. And finally, a roar of laughter.

Violet was laughing so hard that tears started streaming down his face. I exchanged wary glances with the Other, both of us raising a brow. Just what did he find so funny?

"Heero, you are accusing a kitten of sabotaging our love-life," he managed finally, still chuckling. As we glanced at each other once again, me and Blue-Eyes came to a mutual conclusion: nobody laughs at us!

Meowing in unison, we pounced on Our Velvety Violet.

**END.

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Well whaddaya know+s actually work! This calls for celebration!


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